What do you do when you have the thing you want  the most and you should be happy but you are miserable? How do you respond when everyone tells you that you “must be so happy!” and you really just want to lie in your bed with the blinds closed? 
You know….those moments that you sit there and think, “I can’t wait for this to be over!”

 Most people idealize the concept of pregnancy.  We expect pregnant women to “glow”, want to nest and turn into some earth-goddess-mother creation.  For many women, that is exactly what happens.  They have easy pregnancies, feel energetic, have complication-free deliveries and look forward to being pregnant again.  Sadly, this isn’t the case for a lot of women.  There are many women who spend their pregnancy praying at the porcelain throne, gagging as they force themselves to eat, feel the bottom drop out as their energy slams into the basement and the only glow they experience is from the TV because they can’t get sleep…and then they feel guilty for not being the “glorious mother-to-be” that everyone expects them to be. 
 
So…the purpose of this little discussion is not to scare anyone, but rather to set some appropriate expectations.  It would be ideal if every pregnancy was a joyful ride to post-partum, but some just are not.  If you are experiencing a pregnancy that is less than ideal…it is okay.  If you are feeling less than joyful…it is okay.  You have permission to not love pregnancy. In fact, you have permission to really, REALLY dislike it!  There. I said it.  You have the right to be a normal, pregnant person and not enjoy the process without it making you a bad person or an unfit mother.  After all, the goal is not to be pregnant.  The goal is to have a healthy baby that you can love and nurture.  The pregnancy phase is the work that you do to get to the end prize!  
 
How you experience pregnancy will have no reflection on how you will parent, love your child and provide for his or her needs.  However, your ability to have good self-care and release yourself from judgment will be an indicator on how you can affect the challenges of pregnancy.  Be kind to yourself.  Talk to your partner, family and support system.  Don’t listen to negative commentary about what you should be doing and feeling at this phase. Know that your pregnancy is completely unique and should not be compared to anyone else’s (even your own if this isn’t your first.)  If you can, exercise…even a small walk in the sunshine can help.  Remember, the goal isn’t to have a perfect pregnancy.  The goal is to have  a healthy baby. 
 
If you would like to know more about this topic, contact Elliott Kronenfeld at 617-834-4235 or email him on this site. 

Do you remember being a child and jumping into the deep end of the pool for the first time?  You were probably not sure what would happen, whether you would sink or swim.   Could you be brave enough to take the leap, even though you weren’t sure  it was the right thing for you to do?  For many, first jumps are to be celebrated…a perfect cannonball, a quick  resurface and a dog paddle to the edge to try it again.  However, there are those that jump in and sink a little too low, take in  water, feel pressure and the fear of not being able to breathe. The latter is  what it feels like when you are in a life situation where you are confused, feel  internally trapped and needing escape.

 I have built a strong practice on helping couples cope and  process through when one or both partners begins to identify as gay, lesbian,  bisexual or transgendered (GLBT).   The impact of such a realization cannot be underestimated.  Both partners will go through a myriad of emotions, not limited to grief, sorrow, anger, rage, embarrassment, fear, depression, hope, liberation, and a  re-identification of oneself. 

For the person coming out, she or he may or may  not have had an understanding of their sexual identity all long.   Some people only begin to realize a changing sexual identity later in  life.  Many of these clients are concerned that they have lived a lie, or that others will think they have lied  to them.  There are concerns about  how to live a more authentic life and to bring fulfillment to themselves without  causing additional negative feelings to the people they love.   We spend countless hours talking about how to balance their own emerging needs with the consistent and new needs of their families – and how their family structure can and will change.  If children of any age are involved, discussions about how to maintain the parenting role while being honest with children who will undoubtedly have very personal questions will happen.
 
For the spouse of the person coming out, it is important to talk through the meaning of this new information. It is often so hard to realize that many seemingly good marriages may end as a result of a partner coming out and there  is nothing
another can do to “convince”a partner that it doesn’t matter.  Left spouses often feel deserted,  betrayed, a sense of failure and true loss.  Helping a left spouse work through the  complications of a crisis of identity and reemerge strong, vibrant and able to have a meaningful relationship will take time, but is certainly possible. 

We live a new and different world than we did  just five years ago.  What it means  to be GLBT in today’s world has different
implications.  One’s sexual identity is not a reflection on anyone but the  individual.  Being in a  relationship with someone who comes out does not reflect on your orientation or ability to be an effective and meaningful relationship partner.  Obviously, each relationship and situation must be understood with its  own unique facts and personalities; however, each relationship has the ability to transform and bring meaning to all.

If you would like to learn more about this topic, contact Elliott Kronenfeld at 617-834-4235 or email him through this site.