So many people start a therapy process because they want real change.  They want to change their relationship, their place in the world, their ability to cope with the things that stress them.  People don’t want a band-aid, they want to experience a different way of being.  When therapy is great, that is what people can experience.

However, once the work starts, many folks are stunned at what it takes to create change.  When they experience the real challenge, they may often feel they can’t rise to the occasion because they have to leave their comfort zone. 
I tell people all the time that change comes from messy.  When things are neat and easy, there is no need to change—why would you?  If life is working, stay put!  However, if you want to experience something different, you have to get a little messy and try something new, something challenging, something you haven’t done yet. 


This is when the therapy practice can get a little fun!  As a therapist, it is my role to help people learn how to be messy—and sometimes I take that job literally!  I recently told one of my patients who was seeking real change to allow herself to let go and get messy.  Don’t worry about staying in control all the time.  Let go and see what happens!  Then, I gave her finger paints and sent her home with instructions to let herself get messy! 

 
This beautiful work of art is the result of her letting herself go and expressing herself in a new way.  The images tell a story of what she was wanting and thinking of at the time.  After the exercise, she was able to understand what “getting messy” meant in new ways.  She is now allowing herself to lean into her discomfort and experience new things in her life. 

If you are looking to get messy (looking for real change), contact Elliott at 617-834-4235 or by email at elliott@insightbrookline.com. 

Today the United States Supreme Court handed down a ruling that stated that marriage is no longer permitted to be solely between one man and one woman in this country.  When the news hit the wires, I was in that rare moment between clients when I get to see what is actually happening in the outside world beyond the safe confines of my room.  My browser exploded with messages from friends, family and colleagues about their reactions to this moment.

For a brief moment I was overjoyed and the celebratory at all the opportunity that so many would be able to avail themselves of.  I thought of all the work and diligence that so many committed themselves to in the journey to equality.  And then, reality set in.  In my waiting room, was my next appointment.   

My next appointment was a 52 year old man that I have seen for more than two years.  When he first came to me, he had suicidal ideation, addiction and no desire to continue living.  We have made amazing advancements in his care and wellbeing.  The root of his psychiatric challenge has formed in his absolute shame and guilt for identifying as a gay man.  When he entered my office this afternoon, I asked him if he had seen the news.  He hadn’t.  I was excited to tell him that being gay and in a loving relationship was being recognized across this nation.  His reaction was grounding. 

He looked at me and asked what any of that had to do with him.  He still couldn’t understand why he was gay and how anyone could ever love him.    It was a sobering moment.  Our work as practitioners allows us to experience the amazing moments in our clients’ lives.  We see grow, understanding and acceptance.  And, in moments like this, they teach us.   

While I will continue to celebrate this landmark decision and be ever grateful for the shoulders of others that families like mine get to stand on, I will not forget the rest of the work that is still to be done.  Just because people can legally marry, does not prepare people for the complex journey they can now take.  Our work will continue to focus on helping others learn to love themselves, be able to love others and accept love – this is the continuing work in mind, head, body and spirit.   If you are struggling with your sexual identity or what marriage means in your life, contact Elliott at Elliott@insightbrookline.com or 617-834-4235.

There are times when I forget.  I forget that I can do something. I forget that I have the power to influence and create change.  I forget that I have coping skills.  And, when I forget any of these things, I also forget how to find meaning and perspective.  I lose myself in the chaos and noise and see my skills begin to erode away.  When this happens the most important thing I can do is recenter myself, find my core and listen to the inner voice that guides me.  This challenge is often resolved when I find a labyrinth and walk with intention. 

Whenever I talk about the labyrinth, I get looks of confusion.  Why would I want to walk a maze when I am frustrated?  (Hint:  It isn’t a maze but a single path that you can’t stray from.)  Sometimes I get attitude of disregard because all this mindfulness talk is too “airy fairy” for some folks.  It is important to know that whatever you think the labyrinth can be it will be.  Dating back to the times of the Druids, the labyrinth represents a journey complete.  When we are struggling, is that what we want – a completed journey?

So, the next time you “forget”, find a labyrinth (www.labyrinthlocator.com) and walk with mindfulness.  Walk slowly and reflectively. Don’t try to ignore your distractions because they will only become bigger.  Acknowledge your distractions and choose to let them go for now.  Don’t rush. Take deep, slow breaths.  Breath in for a count of five and exhale for a count of five.  Imagine you are breathing in peace and exhaling stress and anxiety.  Calm your body and brain as you walk and remember – you can. 

There are labyrinths all around us.  I can’t help myself.  Wherever I go, I am on the hunt for these beautiful opportunities to remember myself.  They can be ornate or simple.  They are like us – organic.  Some are quite large and intricate while others are remarkably simple.  This photograph is me walking the labyrinth in Ogunquit, Maine.  If you are looking for greater mindfulness and need guidance, contact Elliott at 617-834-4235 or at Elliott@insightbrookline.com.